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12 SUGGESTIONS
for promoting Father Involvement
1.Treat the interaction as a cross-cultural exchange.
- Be respectful.
- Be alert to cues (body language, jokes, expressive slips, etc.).
- Listen carefully, as if you and he had different first languages.
2.Make involving both parents a priority.
- Schedule meetings when both parents can be there.
- Draw both parents into the conversation.
- Treat him as a person, important in his own right.
3.Know your own wounds (from men) and biases (about men). Remind yourself that this is not your father or ex-husband, even though he may remind you of that person.
4.Build rapport with the father.
5.Be fair to both partners, and treat them as a couple / team.
- If you meet privately with Mom, also meet privately with Dad.
- Never take one person's side against the other.
6.Be non-judgmental and caring.
7.Ask his opinion. Remember men are more comfortable with thinking than feeling, and with problem solving than commiserating.
8.Explore ways he can help with pregnancy, childbirth and childrearing.
9.Learn all you can about men, then listen for who this man is.
10.Discern, and call upon, his strengths (skills, character traits, aptitudes, interests) to help solve family problems and reach family goals.
11.Let the father know he is needed, valued, and liked. Look for ways to tell him that his contribution to the family is indispensable.
12.Look for more ways you, and your agency, can promote positive father involvement.
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9 SUGGESTIONS for Fathers
1.Prioritize time with your kids. Put it in your calendar. This is one of the most pleasurable and productive uses of time, but it is too easily superseded by the `urgent' tasks of a busy life.
2.Turn off the television. Much research has documented the harmful effects of TV, not just in terms of content and effects on children's capacity to learn, but on the family's communication with each other. Communication is the key to relationship, and it is almost impossible to communicate with the TV on.
3.Enjoy and work on your relationship with the mother of your children. Research shows that a positive relationship between the two parents is a crucial factor in children's well-being, regardless of whether the parents are together or separated.
4.Temper authority with gentleness. Remember that discipline in a family is based upon relationship. Angry, punishing responses may stop misbehavior, but can also have severe long term consequences.
5.Get (and give) support, especially from other dads. We are strongest when we have the support and encouragement of others. For men, the support of other men is essential.
6.Take care of yourself. It is very hard to give love and support to our family when we are overworked, stressed or exhausted.
7.Avoid criticizing your partner in front of your children. Even though it sometimes `feels good' to do this, it always causes much harm and does no good, for both you and your children. Find healthy ways to process conflicts.
8.Deal with compulsions. If you have issues with alcohol or other drugs, anger, or compulsive behaviors, you can be sure these are affecting your children. Help is available - a good place to start is the AA Central Office (962-3332) as they have information on a variety of 12-step support programs.
9.Create a `father-friendly' community. Look for ways you, and your agency or company, can promote positive father involvement in your community.
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For more information, or to get more involved, please contact:
Fatherhood Coalition National Fatherhood Initiative
600 Eden Road - Building E
PO Box 22015, SB 93121Lancaster, PA 17601
882-0157(717)-581-8860
(800)-790-DADS
9 SUGGESTIONS for Mothers
1.Recognize and honor the different parenting styles of men and women. Neither style is right or wrong, and both are necessary for the development of a well-adjusted and balanced child.
2.Recognize the importance of the father's connection with his child(ren). Children who have positive relationships with their dads do better socially, emotionally, and intellectually than children who do not.
3.Enjoy and work on your relationship with the father of your children. A positive relationship between the two parents is a crucial factor in children's well-being, regardless of whether the parents are together or separated.
4.Support quality time between Dad and kids on a routine basis (after work, weekends, etc.). Remember, the time he gives to hic children is more precious than the household project that needs to be finished. On the other hand, doing projects together is a great way for fathers and children to relate.
5.Turn off the television. Much research has documented the harmful effects of TV, not just in terms of content and effects on children's capacity to learn, but on the family's communication with each other. Communication is the key to relationship, and it is almost impossible to communicate with the TV on.
6.Get (and give) support, especially from other moms. We are strongest when we have the support and encouragement of others. For women, the support of other women is essential. Above all, avoid criticizing the father of your children when with your friends - this tends to reinforce negative attitudes and patterns of interaction with him.
7.Avoid criticizing your partner in front of your children. Even though it sometimes `feels good' to do this, it always causes much harm and does no good, for both you and your children. Find healthy ways to process conflicts.
8.Demonstrate respect for the father, as an example to the children. Remember the Pygmalion effect" people tend to behave as we expect them to behave.
9.Create a `father-friendly' community. Look for ways you, and your agency or company, can promote positive father involvement in your community.
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For more information, or to get more involved, please contact:
Fatherhood Coalition National Fatherhood Initiative
600 Eden Road - Building E
PO Box 22015, SB 93121Lancaster, PA 17601
882-0157(717)-581-8860
(800)-790-DADS
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